


5 Times Mukuro managed to hide that he never went to school + 1 time he didn’t

by Shambels



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, I am not apologising for anything in this, This is very indulgent, Tsunas mum is also the sweetest angel on the planet, and you can pry that opinion out of my cold dead hands, apparently writing things that could technically be considered crack fics is my life now, but every lie has to end at some point, but that is definitely just humor and not like. serious, he is doing a pretty good job of hiding it, mentions of someone getting tied up?, mukuro never went to school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shambels/pseuds/Shambels
Summary: After spending his early childhood years not in school, and the ten years he spent in the Vindice Prison (also definitely not in school), Mukuro got pretty good at hiding that he has no idea about Kanji or basic Maths. Or common Sense. Or really anything you would reasonably learn in school.5 times he managed to not get found out by his friends (this word is being used very lightly) and the one time he got discovered
Comments: 5
Kudos: 75





	5 Times Mukuro managed to hide that he never went to school + 1 time he didn’t

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melodious1776](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melodious1776/gifts).



> Mukuro never went to school and I could not let this be unmentioned any longer

I.

Ken and Chikusa were being nosy again. Mukuro really didn’t know why he put up with them sometimes. Yes, he figured they had their uses and sometimes he did enjoy the company and _yes_ maybe he did feel indebted to them.  
But even he had his limits. And a three hour discussion about which cereal was superior? He really should have stopped that conversation a while ago.

“Chikusa. Ken. Is this really this important?” At this point Mukuro really couldn’t keep the contempt and annoyance out of his voice. Immediately he had both of their eyes on him.

“Boss, this is the most important conversation we ever had.” If it had been anyone else, Mukuro would not have taken this seriously. But considering it was _Chikusa_ who just said that, he couldn’t help but be slightly concerned about the amount of importance they were giving this. He raised one of his eyebrows in question, pushing them to give him further explanation.

“Yeah! Chikusa doesn’t accept that he is incredibly wrong! Just.. just how could you ever believe that the **Triple Chocolate Supreme Cereal** is better than the **Mindblowing Taste Explosion Cereal**!” he turned away to yell the last part in Chikusa’s direction who just rolled his eyes. Mukuro _really_ didn’t see the point of this conversation.

The next thing he knew was that his vision got suddenly obstructed by two cereal boxes thrust in his face. And, since it was Ken shoving them there, they were not still either but very much moving around.

“You are with me here, aren’t ‘cha, boss?”

Mukuro stared at the two boxes dancing in front of his face for a bit, before taking out his Trident and swatting both the offending objects and Ken’s hand out of his view.

“This is a trivial conversation considering our plans. We are leaving.”

Apparently the scary smile on his face, that he had put a lot of time into perfecting, was enough to deter his followers. At least for now. And thankfully neither of them noticed that he was unable to read the, frankly way too, complicated Kanjis the cereal makers used to describe their products.

  
  


II.

“Oh my, the cost really went up since the last time I was here.”

Mukuro hadn’t intended to run into Sawada Tsunayoshi’s mother. Really, he didn’t even know what that woman had looked like. The only reason he knew who he was looking at, was because Reborn was standing next to her. And they were apparently shopping, for some reason. Obviously, he understood the need to shop for groceries or other things that people did when they were adults and parents. But why Reborn had to accompany her was something he won’t understand.

“Oh, are you a friend of Tsuna’s?” a soft voice suddenly interrupted his musings. Mukuro looked up, startled. He hadn’t even noticed that woman coming closer to him. Nevermind actually talk to him. He blinked for a moment, thinking of what best way to reply, when he saw Reborn in the background, watching him. Okay so, he really couldn’t say anything too mean or derogatory. Figures.

“I don’t know if we are.. Mhm” he hummed for a moment, a small smile on his lips that could be seen as nice and pleasant but really was anything but. “Quite _close_ enough to call each other friends. But we certainly know each other.”

There. A perfectly pleasant way to talk to the mother of his current worst enemy. And apparently all the woman needed, Tsuna’s mother he reminded himself, to start prattling on about _something_.

He heard something about prizes and costs and merits and honestly, it went way above his head. But she didn’t seem to notice at all, thankfully. 

Mukuro dared to glance away from the still talking woman next to him, _when did he start walking with her and accompanying her on her shopping?_ , and he looked towards Reborn who looked at him, contemplating. Mukuro could never tell what was going on in his little baby head.

He had no idea how it happened, but a few minutes later he had put down the shopping bags he had been carrying in the Sawada household kitchen. 

“So, tell me. How do you and my Tsuna know each other? Are you in the same school? Maybe even in the same class? Oh, this is exciting! This year Tsuna has been bringing so many more friends home! You are always welcome in our house!” Did this woman never shut up? She was even still talking while unloading all the shopping bags, not even caring that her helper was standing awkwardly next to the fridge. What was Mukuro even meant to do in this house apart from trying to destroy her son. And here his mother was, _inviting him_ back.

“Oh, you could come over and have a study session! I heard that is what a lot of kids are currently spending their time on!” 

Mukuro’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head.

“No, I won’t.” were the only words he managed to throw out before more or less fleeing from this house. Studying really was the last thing he was interested in.

  
  


III.

_Ah_ . Mukuro sighed happily when he looked around in the office. The first time in more than ten years that he saw something that was not his cell, if you can even call it that, in the Vindice prison. _Mh_ . He shifted through some documents, revelling in the fact that he currently could actually _feel_ things. Even if it was through a proxy. His pawns really were useful. It’s a good thing he never managed to chase them away. Who didn’t like loyal subjects?

But it was time to do something actually useful. He didn’t know how much time he had until Byakuran might notice that something was up. So it was better to get moving as quickly as possible.

In his proxy body, Mukuro quickly went through all the important looking documents. Obviously his pawn was doing good work, he’d be in trouble if he wasn’t. All the important things concerning the Vongola went onto one stack, all the information about the inner machinations of the Millefiore family onto the next one and everything that looked important about anything else on the last stack. It was up to his pawn to actually clean up after him. Mukuro’s job was to actually decide what was important enough to send the Vongola. 

After he had sorted through it roughly, he started to skim through the content to shift through it further. He read through some plans about attacking the Vongola base, and wasn’t that an unpleasant thing to think about, and some written correspondence between Byakuran and Irie.

A short glance towards the clock in the corner showed him that he had already spent quite a bit of time here, so he really should leave soon. Mukuro tried to finish his sorting through as quickly as possible, while leaving short but obvious pointers for his pawn to deal with later. Namely, which stack to send to the Vongola and which one to ignore and put back.

As soon as he had finished writing the last character, his form dematerialised and left behind the unassuming form of his pawn, who quickly blinked and orientated himself for a split second before getting to work.

He did stop for a moment to consider the decision of Mukuro to send a correspondence about elevators between Byakuran and Irie to the Vongola, but not the one about the Emergency Exits. But if the Mist Guardian decided that one of them was vital information, but the other was not, then who was he to question it.

Giannini was equally confused why he received information about the colour of the elevator system the Millefiore were using. But considering the amount of help these little reports were from someone obviously on their side and probably risking their life in the ranks of the enemy, he was not going to question it.

  
  


IV.

“Master. I really don’t think we need to have that many vegetables in our food.” Fran was poking at his food in disgust. He had much preferred his time with the Varia. No one had told him what to eat there. Dinner time was always a Battle Royal. Lussuria tried to make him eat some disgusting green things sometimes, but thankfully Bel was always there to save him from his fate. Thank the Lord for the good Senpai that Bel was. And this time, Fran was genuine about it. He might have thrown knives at him, but at least he also saved him from eating vegetables. His late Senpai really was the best.

Chikusa across him was scowling at the youngest member in their group and instead of answering, only piled more potatoes onto his plate. Fran pulled more faces.

Mukuro rolled his eyes. While he also didn’t see the need for this many vegetables, he would also not start making his own food. He was way above that particular action. They never had a problem getting by when they were younger. And he never went out of his way to eat vegetables, and look at him, he didn’t suffer because of that. 

“Fran, please. Everyone knows that it is important to have a balanced diet. Especially when _some_ of us are still growing” Chikusa was looking pointedly at Fran, who in response changed the frog hat on his head to roll its eyes at him. 

Mukuro blinked for a moment but wisely stayed silent.

“Boss Xanxus only eats meat and he is big and strong so I don’t see why I should eat… _that_ ” Fran mumbled into his broccoli. Mukuro wasn’t quite sure if he intended for it to be heard or if Fran just accidentally spoke a bit too loudly. But the next thing he knew, Mukuro had to quickly lift his plate up from the makeshift table they were sitting around, lest his food meet the same end as Fran’s. Which got smashed by a yo-yo because the genius illusionist, after Mukuro _obviously_ , evaded the attack of the person responsible for cooking.

"As long as you are eating the food I make, you _will_ eat your vegetables. Even Ken is eating it” Following Chikusa’s pointing finger, Fran and Mukuro could indeed see that it was true.

Ken looked up for a moment and grinned, broccoli stuck between his teeth.

“Everyone knows that it’s important to eat well to be able to fight well” was all he said before going back to stuffing his face.

 _Mh_ , Mukuro thought. He wasn’t quite sure about the whole Everyone knowing it, but he didn’t see anything wrong with Ken’s comment. Now he just had to find out where and when both Ken and Chikusa learnt that. Since he personally had never heard about it.

  
  
  


V.

Hibari looked at the baby in front of him and took up a defiant stance, crossing his arms.

“No.”

“Hibari. It is important that Lambo and I-Pin get an education befitting their status. Especially Lambo.” Reborn really tried to keep the annoyed tone out of his voice. But it was hard. They’ve been having the same argument for hours now. But he was not about to bend his will to this child.

“No.”

“ _Especially_ Lambo needs it.”

“I don’t care.” It was easy to see that Hibari’s patience slowly was running out. But Reborn didn’t call himself the world's best tutor (and assassin) if he would let himself get discouraged by a fifteen year old brat.

“So when we send them to Namimori Middle School, you obviously won’t be disappointed when they are not up to par and because of that dragging down the regional ranking of the school?” Hibari’s eye twitched and a sly grin appeared on Reborns face. He almost had him it seemed.

“They should go to an elementary school to make sure they don’t disgrace both themselves and others.” Reborn cocked one of his eyebrows.

“We can not send Lambo to an elementary school. He would blow everyone up before he’d learn anything.” Hibari really couldn’t argue against that. So he just settled on glaring at the baby who in turn openly grinned at him now.

“I do not have the time to tutor them.” Hibari knew he had lost. This was his last ditch attempt to try and get out of this. Reborn waved him off.

“I will send someone to help you.” Mukuro took this moment to walk past the room and a plan formed in Reborn’s mind. Leon migrated from his head into his hand and shortly after that Mukuro was sitting next to Hibari, bound and gagged and looking both very murderous and relaxed. Reborn did always admire that part about him.

“I found someone to help you.”

Both Mukuro and Hibari looked at each other for a moment, before glaring at Reborn.

“No.” Mukuro shook his head in agreement. Maybe the only time he and Hibari would agree on something. The look on Reborn’s face really didn’t bode well for them and Mukuro for one was starting to get increasingly worried. He gave a pointed look and shortly after that at least the bindings gagging him vanished. Obviously he could’ve freed himself. But he also knew that Reborn was capable of immediately catching him again, and currently Mukuro really wasn’t feeling up to playing Hide and Seek with the assassin.

“I do not have the time to concern myself with the education of Mafia children.”

“Even if that would give you the possibility to influence them?” That actually made Mukuro stop for a moment. Hibari looked a bit worried, now that it looked like his ‘help’ seemed to actually start contemplating it.

“What exactly do they need to be taught?”

“Oh, the usual. Basics in japanese and maths. The usual things to prepare them for school.”

“No.” Hibari looked triumphant now that his ‘help’ had also refused.

Reborn sighed. He knew there was nothing he could do if those two were actually of the same opinion about something. There were few Vongola more stubborn than those two.

“Fine. You can go.” As soon as he said that, both guardians immediately vanished, only leaving an open door and window behind as proof that they didn’t vanish into thin air.

  
  


\+ I

Tsuna sighed, his head hitting his desk with a loud **thud**. Natsu jumped up in surprise and knocked over a stack of documents in its scramble to get out of the way of its owner. The guardians all gathered together for one of the semi-annual meetings to talk about the current state of the Vongola family.

“Boss? Is everything alright?” Gokudera carefully questioned the obviously stressed out form of his employer and also best friend. A suffering groan was the only answer he got. The guardians exchanged worried looks, before Yamamoto, always reliable, got up and gathered the report Tsuna was reading before his outburst. His eyes skimmed over the page and he nodded slightly before handing it over to the person next to him. 

Ryohei read through it twice, just to make sure he understood all the nuances of the kanjis used. Gokudera took one look and instantly knew what it was about. He was the one who had written the report after all. And thus also immediately understood why his Boss was so distraught. 

Mukuro was the one to read the report next and he took one look at it, before handing it over to Hibari. Gokudera raised an eyebrow at that. He knew that Mukuro wasn’t too interested in the whole Mafia work. Of course he knew that. They had arguments about that quite frequently, that, more often than not, ended in full blown fights. The only reason no one had gotten seriously hurt, was Tsuna stepping in and threatening both of them to freeze them until they cooled off their head. Hadn’t been necessary yet, but no one would be surprised if one of them ended up enclosed in ice for a short amount of time.

Hibari read through the article before looking at Mukuro.

“Are you purposefully obtuse or are you just stupid?” Upon that Mukuro instantly looked offended.

"And what exactly are you talking about now?” It was no secret that Mukuro and Hibari were always at each other's throat. More so than even Gokudera and Mukuro were. The difference between them was that Mukuro riled up Gokudera deliberately. And Gokudera very much reacted as explosively as he had ten years ago. Hibari and Mukuro on the other hand had a grudging respect for each other, and when they managed to work together, they were the most ruthless and effective pairing they had in their current family. Mukuro would never admit it, but hearing that from Hibari actually hurt his feelings. Slightly. A tiny bit.

Ryohei tried to hide his snort behind a hand. Only laughing a lot harder when Mukuro glared at him.

“Man, it almost looks like you can’t read it.” He dissolved into a fit of giggles and thus didn’t notice the way Mukuro froze up. Everyone else who was looking at the Mist Guardian in that moment though, _did_ notice that. Even Tsuna, who had lifted his head after the first of his Guardians read the report, stared at Mukuro in that moment.

Gokudera was openly gaping. Hibari hid a smile behind his hand, a lot more successful than Ryohei was. Lambo was filing his horns and hadn’t even noticed that something had changed in their usual meeting. Yamamoto looked a bit confused but smiled good naturedly at the offended Guardian.

Tsuna was the first one to say something. Even if he was very cautious in the way he phrased it.

“Mukuro. Do you not… Do you not know how to read.. Kanji?” If this happened a few years ago, Tsuna would have instantly duck in terror because of the glare he received. But Tsuna had been the head of the Mafia for years now, so he just raised an eyebrow and held eye contact with Mukuro.

The other Guardians were looking between the Illusionist and their boss, waiting for one of them to break.

Mukuro was the first to huff, obviously displeased. He leaned backwards in his seat and crossed his arms.  
  
“I don’t see why I should. Never had a need for it. Never will.” He masterfully ignored the incredulous stares of everyone around him. Tsuna blinked before cocking his head, slightly confused.

“How did you never learn how to read Kanji?” With the way Mukuro’s eyes tightened, it was obvious how displeased he was with both the question and that he had to answer it. He had lost the staring contest so his pride didn’t allow him to back out of this.

“I never went to school.” Everyone looked startled at that. Even Lambo looked up from his horns.

“What do you mean, you never went to school?” Hibari all but hissed out. He looked personally offended by that statement. Mukuro just shrugged.

“Between being on the run for a few years and then in the Vindice prison for ten years.. You know. Never really found the time for something as _banal_ as school.” Yamamoto quickly looked at Hibari, making sure the Cloud Guardian didn’t faint. Mukuro rolled his eyes. He really didn’t see what the big deal was.

Tsuna looked at him for a moment, before he nodded.

“Understood. You will need to study everything you don’t know, that will be important. We can’t have one of our Guardians not able to read important documents.” After another short glaring contest Mukuro finally nodded slightly.

“Fine. Whatever.” Tsuna looked smug. He would never get over the rush of euphoria he got whenever he managed to glare either Mukuro or Hibari into submission. 

“What is this stupid document about then? If all of you are making such a big deal out of it.” Mukuro obviously hated the idea of having admitted something shameful about himself. And having to ask his fellow Guardians for help. Gokudera grinned and took the document back into his hands, waving it around tauntingly.

“Apparently your _protegé_ has blown up half a city, trying to stop a fight between your two goons.” Gokudera grinned. Mukuro just looked at him, expectantly and annoyed.

“They fought about what cereal was better and it apparently got pretty violent. Civilians were hurt and everything.”

Mukuro closed his eyes and only his many years of self discipline stopped him from facepalming. Why was it always about cereal?

**Author's Note:**

> Still can't believe that never came up in the manga or anime but this is why fanfiction exists
> 
> (I also know that technically in the manga he had 6 incarnations before being Mukuro and I do assume he, you know. Learnt how to write and read and do maths and all that in at least one of them. But a) this is funnier and b) the anime says he went through 6 cycles of hell. And I don't quite believe he would learn common sense in hell)


End file.
